Session 2
Looking back with care
After a hard meeting it is easy to replay it for days or rush straight on to the next thing. Looking back with care lets us learn from a moment without turning it into blame.
The card
5 minFirst attempts, about 4 minutes, in its adult wording.
Think back to one small attempt in your work that did not go as you hoped, such as a meeting, a pitch or a plan that changed.
Ask yourself quietly what you know now because you made that attempt, and what you might choose differently another time.
An attempt that did not work can still give you information, even while the disappointment or the cost is real.
You do not need to share the memory or turn it into a good story. Just notice whether the question changes how you hold it.
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
A short talk
10 minAfter a hard meeting it is easy to replay it for days or rush straight on to the next thing. Looking back with care lets us learn from a moment without turning it into blame.
Talk notes
- Going back over a hard moment can go two ways. Reflection asks what happened and what we can learn; rumination circles the same painful questions.Trapnell, P. D., and Campbell, J. D. (1999). Private self-consciousness and the five-factor model of personality: Distinguishing rumination from reflection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(2), 284 to 304. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.76.2.284
- A review of this research found that concrete, specific questions about an event tend to help, while abstract questions such as "why does this always happen to me?" tend to keep distress going.Watkins, E. R. (2008). Constructive and unconstructive repetitive thought. Psychological Bulletin, 134(2), 163 to 206. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.134.2.163
- The three boxes give looking back a shape and an end, so we can learn from a moment and then set it down.
Discussion
10 minQuestions in pairs or small groups. Anyone can pass.
- After a hard meeting, what do you usually do first?
- What makes looking back feel like blame, and what makes it feel like learning?
The activity
30 minOnline
Open the shared three-box template (Moment, Question, Takeaway). In pairs in a breakout, practise on the fictional case below, then work privately, cameras optional, on a moment of your own. Nobody shares their own moment. Ask questions that look for understanding, and let the takeaway be information, a next step or a request for help. Choose a small moment, about a 3 out of 10 in difficulty. Leave bigger ones for a supervisor, a counsellor or a trusted person.
In a room
Fold a page into the three boxes and practise in pairs on the fictional case, then privately on a moment of your own. Choose a small moment, about a 3 out of 10 in difficulty. Leave bigger ones for a supervisor, a counsellor or a trusted person.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
- A proposal you made is brushed aside in a team meeting.
- A community meeting you organised draws four people.
- A funder turns down an application you spent weeks on.
- A ward manager hears your idea and changes the subject.
Private reflection
10 minTry it this week. After one hard moment in your advocacy this week, take five quiet minutes to fill in the three boxes.
Before you try it, the field log asks:
- What matters most to me in this conversation?
- What am I assuming about them?
- What will I do when I notice the first sign of stress?
Quiet time. Nobody shares what they write.
Closing
5 minOne word or one line from everyone.
For your peer circle. What did looking back show you that you missed in the moment?
Five to spare
5 minBecause sessions run over, and that is fine.
Practices to try at home.
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Take the practices into your group
Every lesson and card these sessions draw on is free to download, with plans you can edit and adapt for adults.
Or only the cards: printable PDF or slides to project.
