Tips for parenting children (6-13 y/o)
Our job as parents is not to make a particular kind of child. Instead, our job is to provide a protected space for love, safety, and stability in which children of many unpredictable kinds can flourish. Our job is not to shape our children’s minds; it’s to let those minds explore all the possibilities that the world allows. Our job is not to tell children how to play; it’s to give them the toys… We can’t make children learn, but we can let them learn. ―Alison Gopnik
👥 Serves: 1 person
🎚 Difficulty: Medium
⏳ Total time: Ongoing
🥣 Ingredients: “The Anxious Generation” book by Jonathan Haidt (if you’re curious to find out more about it!)
🤓 Wholebeing Domains: Community, Digital Consciousness, Liberatory Learning
💪 Wholebeing Skills: Autonomy, Curiosity, Digital boundaries, Digital disconnection, Fun, Play, Relating to Others
Tips for parenting children (6-13 y/o)
📝 Description
Supporting healthier childhood in the digital age.
In the book The Anxious Generation, author Jonathan Haidt claims that “two trends – overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world – are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation”.
Haidt calls for four foundational reforms to provide a foundation for healthier childhood in the digital age:
- No smartphones before high school.
- No social media before 16.
- Phone-free schools.
- Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence.
The following recipe offers some tips for parents of children, aged 6 to 13 (both in terms of more and better experiences in the real world and less and better experiences on screens). If you have younger or older children, check out our additional recipes “Tips for parenting young children (0–5 y/o)” and “Tips for parenting teens (13–18 y/o)”.
🌟 Steps
Step 1 – Out of sight
Practise letting your kids out of your sight without them having a way to reach you. You can provide them with a note they can show adults that reassures them they have your permission to be out without you. Include your phone number. LetGrow.org has useful resources.
Step 2 – Sleepovers
Organise or encourage sleepovers, but don’t micromanage them.
Step 3 – Walk to school
Talk to your school about allowing your kids to walk to school in a group. Check out Safe Routes to School for additional guidance.
Step 4 – Free play after school
Avoid filling up every afternoon with adult-supervised “enrichment” activities. Allow your kids to just hang out with their peers. You may think about “Free Play Friday” for instance.
Step 5 – Camping
Either organise a family camping trip or send your kids to a sleepaway camp, where they are expected to run around! When choosing a sleepaway camp, find one with no devices and no safetyism. Favour options that embrace the values of independence and responsibility.
Step 6 – From neighbourhood to playbourhood
Find another family to join you in animating your neighbourhood and turn it into a playbourhood. Plan a block party with child-friendly activities. Sustain it regularly – “kids will come if they know other kids will be there”.
Step 7 – Parental controls
Learn how to use the various parental controls and content filters features on all the digital devices in your home. Visit CommonSenseMedia for guidance on using parental controls.
Step 8 – Prioritise
Instead of setting strict rules on screen hours, focus on prioritising in-person activities and getting plenty of sleep for your kids.
Step 9 – Provide clear structure
It helps to structure space and time, e.g. shared meals should be phone-free, regular family movie nights, no devices in bedrooms 30 minutes before the scheduled bedtime, a regular (weekly, bi-monthly, monthly) digital detox, etc.
Step 10 – Check for signs of addiction
Look for signs that might tell you your kids are developing an addition to their digital devices. For instance, interfering with their daily routine and activities, experiencing strong cravings, using deceptive behaviour, choosing virtual version in-person interactions, not getting enough sleep, not engaging in regular physical activity, etc.
Step 11 – Delay social media
Consider delaying the opening of social media accounts until the age of 16.
Step 12 – Talk with them
Talk with your kids about the risks and listen to your thoughts.